T gives my belly a kiss and a pep talk.  We asked her if there was anyone in there and if so, could she say hello for us.

I sit here writing the night before my pregnancy test.  Tomorrow morning I will get up, just as I have done for the countless morning monitoring and blood work appointments this past month.  This visit will only require a blood test.  A blood test to test my beta.  A beta number that determines if I am pregnant.

A Positive Pregnancy Test After IVF. If your beta test is positive, your doctor or nurse will tell you the hCG level that your test showed. The beta test result is stated as a number that indicates the level of hCG found in the blood.

www.shadygrovefertility.com

As I look back at these past couple months, from the time I decided to share my story to the public to the present – waiting to take my pregnancy test tomorrow, I can not believe how much has changed.  I am not referring to the IVF treatment but how much I have personally changed and transformed within just these few months.  I feel the difference more every day.   I feel free.

I did not realize how much suffering, shame and trauma I was holding in from my infertility struggles.  I might have never really known if I had not decided to share my story with you and to open myself up to you and show you the behind the scenes view of the IVF process.   For that, I thank you for being there to inspire me, push me and giving me your endless support.

I now see a future for myself where I am not always looking to what I must have to “be happy”.   I will always be happy if I am true to who I am independant of any outside situations that are out of my control.  Especially when it deals with fertility.

I no longer feel the shame, inadequancy, feeling of failure I held with me all those years of trying.  I am not setting all my focus on the future, but focusing on the now.  I am present. I am enjoying my life in this very moment.  No more “haves” in order to be happy.  I just need myself.

With that, I am content.

Of course, there is always hope .. and tonight’s hope is for a good result tomorrow!  If it is not a positive result, these experiences and my new found strength have shown me that I will be okay.  More than okay, I will be happy in whatever situation I am put in.  It feels so powerful to know that I have full control of my own happiness regardless of the outcome.

Here’s to empowering ALL women going through infertility struggles. If you would like to be empowered, continue to follow me on instagram,  fb and most importantly, subscribe below to stay up to date with resources soon to come dedicating to just that!

Stay strong.  You are not alone.

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