Today is Friday.  I have been to morning monitoring 5 times out of the last 6 days.  Every morning getting up at 5:30 am to leave the apt at 6 am – blood work/ultrasound and come rushing home hoping to see T before school than off to work myself.  I feel it all catching up to me today, as I hit my alarm clock at 5:30 am.  I have been better about going to bed before midnight (though, I believe last night was 12:20 am! aah!).  It’s only been a week or really two weeks of the meds and morning monitoring but it feels much longer.  My arms look like I am a drug addict from all the blood work being done every day.  Each morning I look at my arms to decide which arm goes today for the blood work.  Which arm looks less roughed up?  Sad, but they both are pretty roughed up by now.

As I wrote in a previous entry, I have 3 follicles (eggs) that seem likely for retrieval (measuring at 16,15,12 mm).  Three is not very much.  I am sad and a bit cautious about my expectations for this cycle with so few eggs.  I am trying to stay optimisitic though .. only takes 1!! I find myself repeating that in my head.  Is that a good thing though? To be optimisitic? or should I go with my other direction – the secret to happiness is low expectations? … Let me adjust – low expections but filled with hope! haha, I’m pretty sure I just contradicted myself.

Moving forward.  I got the call from the nurse.  They are doubling my dosage of cetrotide – now I have to take one in the morning as well as one at night.  That will be new – injections in the morning.  I can’t say I am happy about that … and I go back into yet another morning of morning monitoring tomorrow, making it 6 times this week alone.

We are close, either way .. I can do this.  I just need to be prepared for the outcome, which honestly I do not know if I will be.  It’s hard not to be optimistic.  I also struggle with the idea that if it does not work, I have to share it with you, to the world .. outloud.  This is what it was all about coming out with my story and struggles, to shed the facade and show what really happens.  No time to look back – only forward… LET’S DO THIS!

(and I wanted to say a special thank you to all of those that have reached out to me during this time.  I really appreciate it and it’s really great to hear  your stories and how me being open with my struggles  have helped you.  It makes it all worth it no matter the outcome! xo)

Here are some little video snippets from my morning monitoring adventures 😛

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