I’m sitting in the waiting room for morning monitoring for the first time since I tried for Teagan. It hasn’t changed one bit. It’s all coming back.

The waiting room itself is pleasant, much nicer than the previous two clinics I had gone to. It is a very long are with a wall of windows looking out to York avenue. It is filled with a series of couches and coffee tables with magazines nicely placed on top. Everything to make it comforting. Looking around, they did a great job with this. I feel much better sitting in this big comfty living room like chair than I have at other waiting rooms.

The audience is 99% women, I see only one man, he is here with who I assume is his significant other. It’s nice to see.

I watch as women shuffle out of the elevator, silently check in and then choose their seat in the waiting room. It is silent. I mean silent. No one talks. In a way it’s relaxing since it is 7 am, but in some ways eerie. I always feel like when I come up here it’s like I entered a secret group where we are sworn to silence and we are not suppose to interact or look each other in the eye. We all want to be anonymous. I am no different here, I want to be anonymous too.

Nurses come out and call patients names. I remember always being a bit anxious for my name to be called. Like I was waiting to be picked for a kickball team in grade school. Pick me! Call me! They almost always have a hard time with my name, also brings me back to school days.

It does feel different this time in that the pressure is a bit off. It’s my expectations- I never thought I would be able to have one child, so I am so grateful for T. Anything else would be a bonus. If anything I feel a little guilty trying for my second miracle when I know many here with me are hoping for their first ….

… and my name has just been called – nurse didn’t do a bad job at pronouncing it!

Here’s to hoping today is a good day. Have a good one everyone!!

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