This is a part of a series of posts where I am writing about my feelings/emotions towards the end of my pregnancy with my second child. This is the last of four. You can read the first entry here.

I write this as I am currently 36 weeks pregnant with my second child. This third trimester has caught me by surprise in so many ways.  First, it has snuck up on me, I know I can’t be pregnant forever, but just like in my first pregnancy I always want more time because I do not feel ready. I know I will never feel ready. The second pregnancy I don’t feel ready for different reasons. This is the fourth of four posts where I will be expressing the emotions  and feelings that I have been going through.

Emotion 4:

How can I love someone as much as I do T?

… & missing my time with T

 

This is the feeling I feel most guilty about. Especially having gone through such a journey to become pregnant. How can I be having these feelings about my second child? After talking to a few people and reading some others thoughts it was a relief to know that I am not alone in these feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy and grateful to have another child join our family. It is something I only dreamed about. I think that is why I was so surprised to feel this way during the pregnancy. I remember during one morning when it was only me and T getting ready for school/work we were just having a great time together and then a thought came to me: I love T so much, I can not imagine loving another child as much as her.  We tried to have her for over six years, the feelings I have for T are so extreme.  I love our time together and cherish every moment, I wondered if having another baby would ruin that. I have heard many others who have had these feelings say that once you have the baby, you understand how you could love them both – even more than you had ever thought. One person put it: “Your love is not divided, it is multiplied…”

I do believe that once I hold this little guy in my arms, all these mixed emotions will diminish. I am just surprised how this thought never occurred to me before I was pregnant with my second. That being said, writing this now at 36 weeks pregnant, to be completely honest, I feel a bit sad to be saying goodbye to my family of three. I am truly going to miss having my sole attention and time with T. This sounds extremely cheesy and generic but she has truly brought me so much joy. I love spending time with her and seeing her grow every day, she has taught me so much. I do not want to miss a minute. (Plus, we have gotten into such a good place with the three of us, I hope adding a fourth does not end up in a lot of chaos! .. but chaos can be good too 😉 .. )

Let's get you off that emotional rollercoaster

Get started by watching this FREE Fertility Training

Yes! You are one step closer to getting off that emotional rollercoaster. CHECK YOUR EMAIL for instant access to the FREE Training!