What’s the secret to happiness?!? ….
In all seriousness, there is a lot of truth in the statement above. I am not entirely sold on keeping low expectations with everything in life, I do also agree with the arguments that if we set low expectations on everything, no one will ever rise up to a challenge. That being said, perhaps it would be better to say:
The secret to happiness is realistic expectations!
View my FB Live video where I go over managing expectations below:
1. Realistic Expectations
Keep it real. If you set expectations that are unable to be met, you are setting yourself up for dissapointment. I struggle with this all the time in my every day life. Like many people, I create task/to do lists every day of what needs to be done. What happens is that I put down every single thing that I need to get done which would realistically take at least a week if not more to accomplish. What results is that:
1. I barely get anything on the list done because the list itself is so long and daunting I don’t even know where to begin!
2. I end the day feeling unaccomplished and dissapointed in myself.
What I should be doing is:
1. Create a list for that day with realistic goals just for that day – ie: two time consuming tasks that I should focus on that day.
2. Do just those tasks.
The results when I do this are much more productive. Since I only have two tasks to focus on, I have a realistic goal to get done. The result? I complete the two tasks, I feel energized and happy with myself. I am ready to start the next day with new tasks to complete.
In regards to infertility, keep hope .. never lose hope .. but keep your expectations in check. For me, I am looking at the success rates for IVF and going from there.
2. What is your worst case scenario?
No one likes to think of that worst case scenario. It’s scary and depressing. I think it’s actually helpful to say that worst case scenario outloud and then work through it before you know what may or may not happen. Why?
1. You will be able to form a solution/plan for yourself if this does happen.
2. Usually after you do this, it won’t feel as scary as it did before. You realize, that you are strong and you can handle this if it comes.
3. When it the moment it’s hard to think things out clearly. If you have already thought it out clearly before hand, it will keep you focused and more positive. Instead of feeling lost.
In my current case, my worst case scenario is that this IVF cycle fails, my insurance will no longer cover the costs of future treatments, and I’m only getting older, decreasing my chances. This is what I will do if my worst case scenario happens:
1. I will take June and July off to focus on my overall health and mental clarity.
2. We will have to look into going into more savings to pay for future treatments. Not ideal, but possible.
3. I will look forward to the family vacation we have in July and then start fresh again for IVF in August.
Just writing that out now, gave me a sense of relief.
3. Create a list:
You can’t always control everything in life, but you should always continue making the most of where you are in your current situation. I recommend making a sort of “bucket” list of the things you want to do in life. Highlight those things that may be more difficult to do if you had a child. Then .. DO THOSE THINGS while you are trying! This way, you are making the out of your time and more importantly you have other things to look forward to and fulfill you. For me, this was travel. We travelled so much during those 5+ years we were trying and it was an amazing experience! It could be anything – did you ever want to learn woodworking? take cooking classes? write a blog? The possibilities are endless!! Inspire yourself and the rest will follow …
The key is to never let them win, never let anyone or anything keep you down. You are in control of your mental state, stay positive.
Never give up hope, you are not alone!