This is happening so quickly! I just feel like it was yesterday when Matt and I were talking about trying for miracle #2. I got my period today which means Monday morning, tomorrow, I am going into morning monitoring to begin this IVF cycle.
What does that mean? My first thought was – man, here comes the shots. To me, this means that all that medication you saw in my previous journal entries and live feed are now going to start going inside of me!
Am I scared? Yes.
Am I uncertain of the outcome? Absolutely.
Am I dreading this month of needles and endless visits to the clinic, surgery, etc.. ? I AM!
… but , at the same time am I thinking of all that hope I have for what a positive outcome could bring us? Absolutely and everything and more would be worth that.
I have to keep on reminding myself that I have done this before and I can most definitely do this again. This time I have something that I never had before. That’s YOU! Previous to this, we did this all by ourselves, hiding everything from everyone and feeling like I was hiding this big secret that I felt shame for doing. Shame that I was struggling so much to have a baby. I know now, that we should not feel that way. This is not our fault and it is not something one should be ashamed about. That being said, being able to say everything outloud and in the open has not only helped me feel more at ease with the whole process but so many people have come to me with their own stories and/or offering their support that I feel like I am not alone anymore. You are not alone either. For that, thank you.
Let’s do this. I am ready. We are ready .. and no matter what happens during this cycle, I know that you guys are there for me and more importantly, I hope that documenting this whole process will help those going through similar struggles know that they are not alone and those that are supporting someone with infertility problems now have a better idea of what they may be going through behind the scenes.
Here’s to the start of the IVF cycle (fingers crossed!!)